I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
