My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Randomize
