the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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