only you would photoshop your dick
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
