if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
