Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
