btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
