i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
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I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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