actually, I'm a sock model
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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