It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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