I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
