once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
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She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
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Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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