sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My vagina just clenched in fear
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
