I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
People in love make me want to vomit
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
