It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
honey bunches of taint.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
