I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize