So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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