yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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