I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
