but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
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I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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