hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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