just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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