now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
it hurts more in the daytime
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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