it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Sext me about skeletons
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
