Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
