2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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