Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
