So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
