We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize