are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
