Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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