I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
