nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
