Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
