Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
