I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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