In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize