Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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