cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
we should paint friendship bongs
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