Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
