did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
