My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
