Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
