I swear she didn't look like that last week.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
