I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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