we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
