i jhust puked up my retainher.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
