Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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