She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
