So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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