omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So much rum. So many feels.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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