all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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