Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
