just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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