Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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