Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
