You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
