we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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