you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
that's an acceptable place to lick
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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