That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
