um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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