I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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