Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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