I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
