Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
