You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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