I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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