whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
