I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
