? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
