1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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