Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
