im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
