Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
